A Painted Rose
by Lyra Lupin
Summary: After the death of a close friend, Remus explores other relationships. Torn between two interests, who will he choose? His old pal Tonks, or her mysterious cousin?
1. Shadows

All characters are property of J.K.Rowlings, this writing is for my own enjoyment.  
  
Notes: This contains *SPOILERS* to OOP. This story begins during the end of Harry's fifth year, after the battle at the Ministry of Magic. Remus is contemplates a friend's death.  
  
Chapter 1: Shadows  
  
"Death borders upon our birth, and our cradle stands in the grave."~ Bishop Hall  
  
Alpha and Omega, a circle, or a Celtic knot; although intricate, they all have a beginning and an end which meld together establishing the mystery of life and death, of rebirth and expiration. And so, we always are coming back to the end and starting over at the beginning. It is not Forever and Forever, but Everchanging Forever.  
  
You like the seasons, have cycled, and winter has finally claimed your flesh. Mother Earth calling you back unto her womb. You slipped behind the veil into the shadows leaving a deep longing in my heart, and a black sadness gripping my soul. At night, when the human world sleeps beneath a curtain of twinkling stars and peaceful dreams, I hear your laughter, like a dog's bark, echoing in the night.  
  
Like your names sake, Sirius, the dog- star, you were the brightest among us; quick witted and passionate; beautifully arrogant. You consumed life like a firecracker- loud, brilliant, crackles of colored light against a black night. And I, a mere candle, a single flame in the darkness, an erratic consistency in a world of paradox, why do I continue to burn? I should have been extinguished a hundred times before you and yet, I live in a world were death is black hood and a full moon.  
  
Why me? Why do I continue to wake up each day, meet each new sunrise when you have passed into the shadows; when you have fallen behind the veil? You were Harry's stepfather, his link to James and Lily's last wish. It should have been me...  
  
Crumpling to the floor, head in hand, Remus sobbed aloud this time, "It should have been me!"  
  
Then, for the first time in a long while, Remus Lupin cried until his heart, ripped by sorrow, poured forth its fury. Muscles knotted his back, and his throat ripped like red marble. His sobs racked and convulsed his mind and body. Pale eyes spilt hot tears, eventually swelling from their own wet, salty heat. He cried until his heart was numb and until there were no more tears left to cry. Then collapsing onto his bed, he fell into an empty, dreamless sleep.  
  
*****  
  
It should have been raining. The sky should have cried and cracked with thunder, and everything should be miserably gray and wet, but instead, the afternoon of Sirius's memorial service was impeccably sunny. As they entered the Sacred Grove of Remembrance, birds chirped melodies of spring and bunnies frolicked beneath daffodils. Remus had to forcibly remind himself that the Wizard forest was not a place of death and misery, but a place of life, a reminder of rebirth.  
  
"Hey there," Tonks gave him a little shake, "You okay?" She asked in her perpetually perky way.  
  
"Fine." Remus answered a little too curtly.  
  
"Oooookay," Tonks responded rolling her big brown eyes and walking away.  
  
"Wait," Remus grabbed her arm, pulling her back to his side. "Sorry, just haven't pulled myself together this morning." He tried to smile as he ran his hand through his salty brown hair. "I'm not sure I'm ready for this."  
  
"Understandable." Tonks returned his smile and looked back to the forest, ogling the beauty that surrounded them and then shivering. "I was hoping that it would be a long time before I ever had to see this place again."  
  
They were surrounded by ancient Birch, Holly and Rowan trees, just to name a few of the thousands populated the Sacred Grove. Each tree marked the memory of a witch or wizard who was no longer with the living. The tall Ask and Oak trees with their leafy canopy created a natural cathedral as well as a sense of serine awe in the forest wanderer.  
  
"The last time I was here, it was for my parents," he shoved his hands into the pockets of his worn gray trousers wishing for something to fumble with. "And before that, it was James and Lily."  
  
Tonks, her face framed by locks of silky pink hair, put her arm around Remus. "Let's not think on that today. This isn't what Sirius would want us to do."  
  
His pale blue eyes met hers full on, and she could see that they were brimming with tears, "I know." He answered quietly.  
  
Tonks wasted no time in throwing her arms around him. And together they stood for a long time as Remus let the last of his tears soak into her collar. Being held in the arms of friendship rekindled his courage.  
  
They had arrived at the Sacred Grove about an hour before the others, so that they might say their goodbyes privately. But now, as leaves rustled in the distance, Remus released Nymphadora from their embrace, wiping his face with a handkerchief from his waistcoat.  
  
"I think I've got it together now," he said huskily, as he neatly returned the piece of cloth to his chest pocket.  
  
"Ready to be a pillar of strength again?" Tonks laughed, brown eyes twinkling.  
  
"Is that what you think I am? A dashed rumor. Don't you know I'm just a wolf in man's clothing?" His lips playfully turned up and he winked to her before walking away to meet the new comers.  
  
Tonks felt wonderful as her pink hair blew in the spring breeze, her pale heart-shaped face dappled by fresh sunlight. She should feel sad about Sirius, and she sincerely did. But another part of her heart felt amazing good about Remus Lupin. It was horrible to admit, but Sirius's death created an opportunity for her to comfort Remus, building there friendship stronger than before. Happiness ignited within her and she suspected she might even be blushing. Touching her face, she felt it burn beneath her fingertips. Would this be a new beginning for her?  
  
Lupin was shaking hands with Kinglsley Shacklebolt as Elphias Dodge and Emmeline Vance appeared on the horizon, followed by the entire Weasley family, Percey excluded, Hermoine and Harry in tow.  
  
"Hello Harry," Lupin smiled slightly. "How are you?" He leaned in looking at him closely wondering if he'd ever get rid of the shock of how closely Harry resembled James.  
  
Harry looked at him with apprehension, and shrugged his shoulders. "Fine, I guess." Then looking down, quickly walked off.  
  
Remus sighed and looked after the young man as he walked off into the woods. Perhaps he should have hugged him, or given him a squeeze of the shoulder; that's what Sirius would have done. His gut knotted. He'd always been a teacher, a steady and reliable adult; would he now have to play the role of father?  
  
"Hi there Professor," Ginny waved as she made her way down an earthen embankment. "Don't worry about Harry, he's still- you know," she bit her lip, "a bit sad. We all are I guess, but Harry more so."  
  
Remus nodded. Something about the sincerity of the youngest Weasley made his heart warm. "Your parents doing okay? Has Percy come crawling home yet?"  
  
"Not exactly. I think Dad has in mind to disinherit him." She laughed slightly at her own words, "I'm not sure he cares. I mean, he won't be out more than a few sickles when the Weasley fortune is divided."  
  
Remus laughed at her wit and the pair walked to the newly planted Ash tree and joined the other witches and wizards already gathered there. After exchanging a few words with the Weasleys, Dumbledore and McGonagall arrived and the short ceremony commenced.  
  
"Fellow witches and wizards, we are gathered here today to remember the life and deeds of a good man and a great wizard, Sirius Black..." Dumbledore had only begun reflecting on Sirius's days at Hogwart's when Remus, lost in his own memories was awakened by a new face.  
  
Behind Shacklebolt and Dodge stood what appeared to be a muggle woman. No ordinary muggle woman, but a young, attractive woman with shoulder length black hair and a fitted black dress. He studied her intently; skin was a soft cameo, Pearls trimmed her ears and in her hand she cared a single white rose. Remus was mesmerized. Was this woman some lover of Sirius's that he'd never known of? He's never mentioned anyone one, but how else would Black have known an attractive muggle woman?  
  
"Remus would you like to say a few words." Dumbledore asked again, but Lupin's eyes were still focused on the mystery female. And then, for an instant, she raised her eyes, which were similar to the deep blue of an ocean and in them reflected the afternoon sunlight. He was aghast at her beauty which kindled in him a long forgotten memory, if only...  
  
"Hem, hem Remus?"  
  
The second call of his name awakened him from his starry-eyed gaze. "Yes, Headmaster," he replied somewhat dizzily as he stepped out from the small circle that had formed around Dumbledore.  
  
Breathing heavily, he looked up, this time making eye contact with Harry. "Sirius Black was my best friend." Harry offered back a halfhearted smile and Remus, like a well groomed teacher, turned his gaze slowly to each member of the small group, speaking from the sincerity of his heart.  
  
"He was a man of honor and integrity. His bond was his word. His bravery and veracity were evident whether he faced a life sentence at Azkaban or when he put his life on the line two weeks ago in a struggle with Death Eaters to saved those he loved."  
  
Mrs. Weasley sniffed loudly as she held Ginny tightly against her bosom.  
  
"I loved Sirius. He and James Potter were like brothers to me."  
  
Now it was Professor McGonagall that let out a little yelp that she muffled in a plaid hanky.  
  
"And although they have both passed beyond the veil, their legacies have not." Remus looked intently at Harry, Ron and Hermione. "They fought for ideals that cannot be put asunder by death because they live on in each one of us. Sirius and James dwell in the memory of every witch and wizard who stands up against the dark powers; in each one of us standing here today and in each child borne into a safe world tomorrow."  
  
"Long live the Order!" Shouted Shacklebolt in his deep voice.  
  
"Long live the Order!" Replied the small crowd.  
  
And as Lupin stepped back into the circle, he noticed there was one voice that he had not heard, one pair of lips that had remained motionless. As Arthur Weasley began his eulogy, Remus allowed his eyes to drift back to the woman in black. He wanted to dislike her, because she was here uninvited, but as his mind shielded itself from her outward beauty, his heart melted from her obvious misery.  
  
Black lashes were coated with wetness and a single, crystalline tear ran down her pale cheek. Like a voyeur, he watched her though lowered lids, an intruder on her pain. Closing her eyes, she lifted the rose to her lips, letting the smooth petals glide along her swollen mouth. "Sirius," she whispered called in near silent wording.  
  
"I think this would be an appropriate time to let the family say a few words." Dumbledore interjected after Arthur's speech. "Nyphmadora, would you or Thaleia like to go next."  
  
Tonks eyes were glued open, resembling to brown sauces, only able to say the woman's name in awe, "Thaleia Lestrange?!"  
  
"Go ahead cousin, I have nothing to say." The dark woman replied. And although Tonks entered the circle now, many eyes were still apprehensively darting back to the woman in black. The long forgotten cousin of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.  
  
*****  
  
Lupin and Tonks offered to escort the children and the Weasley back to Grimmald Place where a number of them had been request to meet for the reading of the Sirius's last will. On the way back Remus was able to pull Tonks aside for a brief interrogation.  
  
Trying to act casual as they made their way back to the enchanted car, Remus kicked some pebbles as he asked, "Might I enquired who Thaleia Lestrange is?"  
  
Tonks looked up, surprised, "She's my cousin, and Sirius's."  
  
"I didn't see her name on the family tree."  
  
"And you didn't see mine there either. If you look under Bellatrix's name you'll see a small scorched mark; that'll be her. She's Bella's only daughter."  
  
Remus was confused. "Is she a squib or something?"  
  
"Oh no, not at all. In fact, I always heard that she was gifted as Sirius was at spells." Tonks looked away and shook her pink head. "Quite a surprise seeing her here today."  
  
"Is she a-" but he didn't say the word.  
  
"She's not a Death Eater." Tonks replied fervently.  
  
He breathed a sigh of relief. He felt guilty enough lusting after one of Sirius cousins at his funeral. If she was evil, he would have felt even worse.  
  
Tonks wrinkled her brow, "When Bellatrix and Uncle R, the Lestranges, were sent to Azkaban, she kind of disappeared. My mum and I heard she was living as a muggle. I guess the rumors were true."  
  
"Hmm..." He couldn't imagine a life so bad that someone would leave the wizarding world altogether to become a muggle. Certainly, this woman, with her dark hair and elegant features was an interesting creature. And for the first time in a long time, Remus felt an unusual emotion. He felt the warmth and curiosity of desire.  
  
*****  
  
"If everyone would have a seat please, everyone. Thank you, thank you," Nodded a grubby little man in a pinched plaid waistcoat, as Molly and Arthur filled the final chairs at the dinning room table at number twelve Grimmald Place. An air of tension filling the room.  
  
"I am barrister Angus Scattlelocks. You, Harry Potter, Remus Lupin, Arthur and Molly Weasley, Hermoine Granger, Nymphador Tonks and Thaleia Lestrange," he hesitated and peered over his octagonal spectacles at the muggle-looking woman. The clearing his throat he continued, "You have all be invited here because Sirius Black has asked me that you be present for the reading of his last will and testament."  
  
Placing a large mahogany box on the table he barked, "Let's begin. Nymphadora Tonks, cousin of Sirius Black, daughter of Andromeda Black- Tonks, you are bequeathed the Black family jewels." He slid the box over to her, where she bit her lips and looked questionably at Remus.  
  
Tonks was the last girl on earth that would want fine jewelry, Remus thought. In sympathy, he shrugged his shoulders.  
  
"Remus Lupin, you are bequeathed Black family Wizard Street stocks fund investments, which are worth- hem," He adjust his specticals, "Twenty thousand Galleons." The table let out a collective gasp. "And this letter."  
  
Remus was speechless.  
  
"Arthur and Molly Weasley, you have been asked to take on guardianship of Sirius God Son-"  
  
"We accept!" Cried out Molly before the lawyer could finish his words and Arthur vehemently nodded yes.  
  
"If you choose to accept you shall be reimbursed a thousand Galleons until Harry Portter reaches the age of twenty one years." Peering down his long nose, "I assume you still want to accept."  
  
"Yes. If that's alright with Harry," Arthur replied looking at the young man for his approval.  
  
"I'd like that very much," Harry answered smiling for the first time that day.  
  
Molly returned his happiness with a silly, delighted smile.  
  
"To Hermione Granger, Sirius Black has left Kretcher, the house elf."  
  
Hermione's face twisted in confusion, especially since it had been Kretcher that had lied to Harry.  
  
"Thaleia Lestange, cousin of Sirius Black, daughter of Bellatrix Black- Lestrange, as the most senior Sirius second cousins, you are bequeathed number twelve Grimmald Street."  
  
This time no one gasped but stared questionably back forth, from Harry to the beautiful, black haired Thaleia Lestrange.  
  
"Finally, to Harry Potter, Sirius Black has left this letter, and Black family fortune."  
  
Harry nodded silently.  
  
At this, the barrister removed his spectacles and cleaned them on his tweed robe. "I don't think you understand Mr. Potter. Your god father has just left a fortune which reaches far over a million Galleons."  
  
Remus thought he could see Harry visibly pale. It was obviously a blessing and curse, the burden of such a fortune. He wished he was sitting beside Harry, instead of across from him so that he could give the young man some gesture of reassurance.  
  
"That's all witches and wizards, and so I say good evening to you all." With that, Angus Scattlelocks rolled up his parchment and apparated out of the room.  
  
But no else moved, because everyone was staring at Harry.  
  
"Hello, did the meeting go well?" Dumbledore entered the silent room.  
  
Remus looked first at Harry and then at Thaleia.  
  
They nodded silently.  
  
"Oh, and I apologize for not making earlier introductions, but we have a new member to the Order, but then I'm sure you've already been introduced to Thaleia Lestrange."  
  
All eyes turned back to the graceful, dark woman who sat hands in lap trying to evade their suspicious looks. Then looking up and smiling coyly, she replied, " If you please just call me Leia."  
  
***** Please read and review. 


	2. Endurance

All characters are property of J.K.Rowlings, this writing is for my own enjoyment.  
  
Notes: This contains *SPOILERS* to OOP. This story begins during the end of Harry's fifth year, after the battle at the Ministry of Magic. Remus is contemplates a friend's death.  
  
Chapter 2: Endurance  
  
"Have patience, and endure." ~Shakespeare  
  
It had been a long day at Number 12 Grimmald Place and the members of the Order as well as the students of Hogwart's were beginning to retire for the evening. Many of the witches and wizard's had already disapperated to back to their homes which were scattered throughout the United Kingdom. However, the Weasley's and a few others, with permission from Leia Lestrange, had decided to stay that evening at the Black homestead for convenience's sake.  
  
Remus had spent most of the evening discussing wizarding politics with Shacklebolt and Vance, but now, as he walked the hallways of Grimmald Place in hope of locating an empty room, his mind wandered back to Leia. She had been extremely quite most of the day, retiring for a long time with Dumbledore in secret conversation. The result being, she would move into Grimmald Place and provide the Order a base of operations.  
  
It seemed that her days as a muggle were at an end, however, from her blank expression, Remus couldn't tell if she were happy or sad about the sudden change of events now effecting her life. He had wanted to speak to her, question her about her relationship with Sirius, but by the time he was able to free himself from Shacklebolt, he learned that Leia had already retired for the evening to Sirius's bedroom.  
  
As he turned the corner of a dark hallway, a blade of yellow light cut the darkness. This was Harry's room, Remus remembered, as he made his way to the slightly opened door and knocked before entering.  
  
"Hey Remus," Harry replied barely looking up from the photographs that lay scattered around his bed sheets.  
  
Remus hadn't meant to come up here to the fourth floor, but sometimes his feet led him to where his mind wandered.  
  
"Hello Harry," Remus answered, casually leaning against the door frame, "Can I come in?"  
  
Harry's green eyes darted to Lupin, and then back to waving photograph, "Sure."  
  
Remus meandered around the bed, leaning over the photo Harry had in hand, "That was taken on our graduation day from Hogwart's." Then smiling to himself, as the memories of his own school days warmed his soul, "We had all recently received our apparating licenses and it had become a habit of your father and Sirius to pop into the Evan's home and," he sat down on the edge of the bed, and stroked his chin, "and how should I say, steal some of your mother's more personal belongings."  
  
"What?" Harry's eyes widened.  
  
"They'd find her undergarments and decorate the common room with them." Remus stated, leaning back into the bed smiling.  
  
"Wasn't she mad?" Harry asked, looking back at his parent's smiling faces in the photograph.  
  
"She was livid! Of course that only happened twice before Lily enacted revenge by immobilizing James's and Sirius's under shorts throughout the castle stairwell," Lupin laughed aloud as he remembered Sirius and James running through the halls casting moblilizing spells on their shorts and then yanking from the air.  
  
Harry looked shocked and then laughed slightly.  
  
"They were always playing pranks on one another." Then taking the photograph from Harry's hand, he stopped smiling and added seriously, "They loved each other very much; very lucky your parents." Remus turned his pale blue eyes back on Harry as he put the photo back into the boy's outstretched hand.  
  
"Tell me more." His face glowed with joy; an expression that Remus hadn't seen him wear since the death of god father.  
  
"What do you want to know, Harry?"  
  
Harry turned to him fully and asked with utmost seriousness, "Am I like my father?"  
  
Remus was quiet for a moment as he pondered the importance of the question. "Yes and no." Harry bit his lip in anticipation. "You're just as good a wizard, if not better. You're both the same on the quidditch field and in the classroom. But I'd say you're probably more mature than James was at your age."  
  
Harry wrinkled his brow, "Really?"  
  
"You're both interested in chasing a snitch, but when it comes down to it, you're also ready to do battle with You-Know-Who. James didn't have to face that responsibility until he was much older." Then pausing he added frankly, "It changes a man to face death."  
  
Harry flushed and looked away, realizing that Remus had called him a man. And internally, he began to realize that he was no longer the innocent boy that had lived under the stairs at Privat drive or the child that had saved the sorcerer's stone. There was a long silence between them.  
  
"Harry, something's been on my mind."  
  
Surprised, he turned to look at his favorite professor. His light brown hair was a little more speckled with gray and slightly overgrown. His still young face, hollowed by too many nights of beastly transformation contained eyes the color of silver glass. With worn gray trousers, scuffed wingtips and his crisp oxford shirt missing a button, there was something about Remus Lupin that was like come home to the Burrow. He was shabby and dog-eared, but he was proud. From the inflection in his voice to the manner of gentlemanly gestures, there was pride.  
  
"I know that Arthur and Molly are going to be your new guardians, but I wanted to know," his voiced tensed, and he inhaled unsteadily, "I wanted to know, do you still need a father?"  
  
This was the first time that Harry had ever heard Remus become nervous, but he was touched by his offer none the less.  
  
"No, but thanks" he smiled ever so slightly at his old professor; realizing that Remus Lupin was one of the best persons that he had ever met. "I never really thought of Sirius as a father anyway."  
  
Remus nodded and put a hand on Harry's shoulder, "If you ever need anything. Anything that you can't go to Arthur and Molly about, I am here for you Harry, as a friend."  
  
Harry nodded and looked back down at the photographs of this smiling parents on their graduation day and then back at Lupin, "Thank you, Remus."  
  
*****  
  
As a teacher, he had played the role of mentor, lecturer, friend and even father on occasion. It was as easy as changing hats when providing the support that students needed for academic and emotional development. And even though his offer to Harry had been sincere, the thought of being an actual father shook him to his very core.  
  
Lost in thought as he wandered down the main staircase and though the second floor hallway, his head knocked against a hard scaly object, "Lumos."  
  
A blue Cornish Pixie floated above him apparently as stunned as he was, "What are you doing here you little devil?" Remus asked the dazed pixie.  
  
"Immobilize!" Cried a feminine voice just beyond the door of Sirius's bedroom. Without invitation, Remus pushed open the door to find Leia Lestrange standing with hand on her hips and surrounded by at least seven full grown floating pixies.  
  
"Umm, hello," Remus called, "Need a hand?"  
  
Leia's stormy blue eyes turned on him suddenly, and she laughed. It was a dark, arrogant laugh; a joyful, knowing sound that reminded him so much of Sirius. "Yes. To say the least, I think I need a hand."  
  
Remus showed her how to trick the pixies into a jar and then after punching some air-holes into the tin, he added, "Pixie pickup is on Wednesday."  
  
"A professor and a pixie plumber," her pink lips curved into a grin, "You're quite a talented man Remus Lupin."  
  
Somewhat taken aback, he politely replied, "Thank you Ms. Lestrange."  
  
Leia crossed her arms, allowing a pointed finger to trace her lips, while she pondered his worn, wolfish appearance. "Remus Lupin. Such an appropriate name for a werewolf; going on Roman myth that is."  
  
Stepping back instantly away from her presence, his pale eyes widened with surprise. Lycanthropy wasn't something one casual mentioned in the wizarding world.  
  
"Well, you certainly know a lot about me, Ms. Lestrange." He answered calmly, subduing his shock. Pale eyes becoming icy, he decided to light his own fire, "And yet, I know nothing about you. Odd isn't it?"  
  
She looked at him silently for a moment and walked away. Picking up a black clutch purse, she took her wand from under her arm, and placed it into the small leather bag. Her back still turned, she began to speak, "You're correct Remus Lupin, I know plenty about you, but it isn't from malice or spying for my mother as you may suspect."  
  
Lupin crossed his arms, and coolly awaited her full reply.  
  
"I'm sorry. That's not how I should have started." Turning back to him, she usher Remus toward two chairs that were seated in front a crackling fireplace. Blue eyes piercing his skin, "Please have a seat Remus, I guess I have some explaining to do."  
  
Lupin didn't budge. He was swaying between curiosity and guilt. Then shaking his head, "I was out of line Ms. Lestrange," he picked the jar of pixies off the floor and turned to meet her intense gaze, "I think it's been a long day for both of us."  
  
"Wait," she quickly advanced upon him, grabbing his arm tightly. Her expression softening, "I have offended you and I'm sorry. Please hear me out and I think we'll understand each other much better."  
  
He wanted to say no, and leave the room, slamming the door on his way out. How dare she talk about his lycanthropy so matter-of-fact! Just because she was complete gorgeous didn't mean that she could take liberties with him. They were strangers, for Merlin's sake.  
  
Calming his temper and with reluctance, he answered truthfully, "It's not that you've offend me Ms. Lestrange, but that," he place the jar of pixie's on the table. "Well, it's just Sirius and I were very close. At least I considered us very close, and suddenly I learn that he's been hiding a cousin from me, the daughter of Bellatrix Lestrange. I suppose I'm wondering what else he's hidden from me."  
  
Leia bit her lip, "Oh dear," rubbing her palms along the back of a winged chair, "That's not it at all! Please stay. Please let me explain."  
  
He took a seat besides the fire, and she the opposite. Her long black hair glistening in the red flicker of the flames, her cameo skin glowing orange, "This is very difficult for me, even after all these years."  
  
Remus wrinkled his brow in confusion.  
  
When finally her thick lashes flickered up, her eyes rung with obvious misery, "You see Sirius and I were very close as children and as we became older, our friendship grew much deeper. We were both outcasts from our families, and despite our difference in age, we grew to understand each other in a way we thought no one else could."  
  
Remus twitched with realization. What was she saying?  
  
"And after a while, Sirius and I became more than friends and cousins." Leia added quietly, hooding her eyes beneath black lashes, "We also became lovers."  
  
Unconsciously, his jaw tightened. So many things that didn't make sense before now became crystal clear.  
  
"I was sixteen and he was twenty-one. He used to talk about you and James so much; you were his family," then smiling slightly, "I began to feel as if I knew you as well."  
  
Remus steadied his voice, "How long did this affair continue?"  
  
"For two years, until the incident with Pettigrew. We wrote for a while, but then his letters stopped coming. My parents were convicted of torture." She turned away from him and cast her eyes into the fire, voice course with painful remembrance, "It was all so awful."  
  
They were both silent as minutes ticked by.  
  
Lupin broke with the final question, "Why? Why didn't he tell us?"  
  
"For Merlin's sake, were" she sighed, "first cousins! That's not accepted whether you're a wizard or a muggle and we were both too ashamed to let anyone that knew us in on our dirty little relationship."  
  
Remus studied his shoes, feeling embarrassed that she felt the need even to tell him about their situation.  
  
"Secondly, the Potters treated him like he was their own son. He was so proud of their friendship and trust, he didn't want to shame them." She looked back into Lupin's face. "Do you understand?"  
  
His pale eyes reflected the flames like a mirror, "I understand."  
  
"We tried to stop," voice low and tears welling in her eyes.  
  
Remus leaned forward and took her hands in his. "Leia, I'm not condemning you or Sirius. I remember what times were like back then."  
  
He was certainly surprised, but he was not disgusted or offended by their actions.  
  
Tears spilled down her soft cheeks, "We were so young, and so alone in a family of monsters."  
  
"Shhh," Remus hushed. This time getting out of his chair and kneeling in front of her, he caught her limp body as she instinctively fell into his arms. "Shhh," he whispered, cradling her in a chaste embrace. "I know. I remember."  
  
He stroked her black hair until the crackling flames, fluttered into dying embers.  
  
***** Hmmm...Does Tonks have a chance? Maybe... Please review. ;) Lyra  
  
FYI: I could no longer continue Secret Gardens because it failed to remain true to Rowling's characters. i.e. The death of Sirius Black. 


	3. First Kiss

All characters are property of J.K.Rowlings, this writing is for my own enjoyment. Thaleia Lestrange is mine.  
  
Notes: This contains *SPOILERS* to OOP. This story begins during the end of Harry's fifth year, after the battle at the Ministry of Magic.  
  
Chapter 3: First kiss  
  
"At the first kiss I felt something melt inside me that hurt in an exquisite way..."  
~Herman Hesse  
  
It was nine o'clock in the morning when a *pop* sounded in the kitchen of Number 12 Grimmald Place, prompting Remus to casually lower his Daily Prophet. Before him stood a very sleep- eyed Nymphadora Tonk. Still dressed in flannel pajamas that shown enchanted cows jumping over sparkling moons, Remus wondered if she knew she had apparated before getting dressed.  
  
"Coffee! Please!" She didn't even open her sleep swollen eyes as she plopped down at kitchen table and flopped over a placemat.  
  
A soft purring emanated from beneath the table top. Looking underneath, Remus chuckled to himself as he realized that Tonks was wearing pink bunny slippers that were snoozing peaceful on their owner's feet. Apparently, they hadn't woken up yet either.  
  
Folding his paper neatly and setting it down, he looked over at the young lady who's hot pink hair was plat into two braids making her appear younger than her twenty five years. He smiled, thinking to himself, "Damn, she's cute first thing in the morning."  
  
Tonks made a little snoring sound, and then cried out softly, "Coffee! Cream no sugar."  
  
"Nymphadora, how many times do I need remind you that I am not your personal Starbucks?" Remus asked, his lips curling into a smirk.  
  
Her head rolled to the side, eyelids lifting like shades upon twinkling darkness, her smile seemingly innocent, "Please?"  
  
Remus rapped his finger against his paper, but only for a moment before he stood up from the table, laughing, "Oh alright! But I'm only doing this because you look so pathetic."  
  
Then starting up a coffee pot with his wand, he called back over his shoulder. "You know, staying out till the cows come home is only an expression."  
  
Tonks rubbed her eyes with a balled fist, "I wasn't sleepy last night."  
  
The coffee steamed and he poured the black liquid into a mug, "Well you certainly are this morning."  
  
Lifting her head from the table, "Where's Harry and the gang? I wanted to tell them goodbye."  
  
"I'm afraid you've missed them," Remus answered setting the steaming cup of caffeinated java in front of her nose.  
  
"WHAT?!" Tonks's eyes widen to near full awake ness. Standing quickly, her chair fell backwards with a thump and clang. Apparently, her sudden movement, coupled with the clatter of the chair startled her bunny slippers which proceed to jump off her feet. They bounded off with such an erratic jolt, that Tonks tripped forwards, only saved from hitting the floor nose first by Remus's outstretched arms.  
  
Lupin had reached out for her so suddenly and she had fallen with such an impact, that the force of their bodies colliding together created an instant cradling affect. His arms were around her slim waist, then her solid back as she clung to his neck trying to regain her footing.  
  
As she stood up against him, Remus quivered as breasts and hips melded against his own person. Soft and warm, her feminine form pressed against his body with surprising suppleness. He was taken aback at how womanly she felt beneath his hands.  
  
Somehow, in their awkward embrace, Tonks had turned her head upward to say, "Thanks," and Remus lowered his head to ask, "Okay?" The result being that there noses bumped, yet instead of pulling away, Tonks leaned in and kissed him.  
  
He could feel the weight of her body, the heat emanating from her mouth and suddenly, soft, plump lips moving against his. Lupin's body tensed, and although he thought to pull back, he didn't; allowing her tongue to part his lips, with tender, sweet wetness.  
  
Then as suddenly as it began it ended. Her hands against his chest, pushing back; wide -eyed she stared at him, mouth slightly agape, cheeks flushed very pink.  
  
Remus was just as dumbfounded as he reluctantly released her from his arms, staring directly into the dark windows of her soul. For a thin moment, he could read every emotion concealed in her heart of hearts.  
  
Suddenly, panic raced across those black eyes, shutting him out. "Fluffy and Nippers!" Then turning she ran to the kitchen door, "They'll be eaten alive in this house."  
  
He should have followed her and aided in the search for her rogue bunny slippers, but instead he stood motionless. It was if his mind was spinning and still all at the same time. Moving to pick up the fallen chair he told himself, "I've just kissed Nymphadora Tonks."  
  
But what did it mean? Did he kiss her or did she kiss him? What had seemed so clear a moment ago, now seemed so fuzzy. Whichever the case was, he liked it. Shaking slightly as he lifted the chair back to its original position, he reminded himself that it was she who had run from the room. Perhaps that was a sign that she hadn't liked it; but on the other hand, she was blushing and her lips had been just as forceful as his had been, if not more so.  
  
It was at this moment, as Remus was lost in thought, that Leia entered the kitchen. "Good morning Remus. Is everyone already gone?"  
  
Lupin shook himself from his thoughts, "What's that you say?" He sat back down at the table, and unfolded his paper.  
  
"Have the kids already left for Hogwart's?"  
  
Dear gods! He hoped he wasn't still blushing. But her back was turned to him, as she filled a mug with coffee.  
  
"Oh yes. They left quite early. The next meeting of the Order will be Saturday, but you probably already know that." He kept his pale eyes steadily on the paper.  
  
"Yes, Dumbledore told me." Leia answered as she idly stirred sugar into her mug. "Thank you for talking to me last night."  
  
Lupin reluctantly lowered his Daily Prophet and nodded, "Glad that I could be of service."  
  
Leia's broad lips smiled widely, "I do have one more favor to ask of you."  
  
"Alright," he answered, folding the paper across his lap.  
  
"I was hoping that you might be able to stay on for the week, here at Grimmald Place. As you can tell from antics last night, my wizarding skills are rather rusty and I would greatly appreciate the guidance of teacher and auror."  
  
His pale eyes marveled at the beautiful woman before him. She looked so much like Sirius with the exception that she was much prettier and of the fairer sex. "You do me too much honor by calling me an auror when you know that I am not. However, a teacher I am and I think your request can be arranged."  
  
"Wonderful," her blue eyes sparkled like sapphires. Then reaching her hand across the table, she leaned forward, "How can I repay you?" Her touch was warm and soft.  
  
This would have been the perfect time to be witty and charming, but that had been Sirius's forte; a talent which Remus could not bring himself to imitate well, "Truly, Leia. It is no bother."  
  
Then lowering his eyes, from her intense gaze, he returned to his paper.  
  
"Found them! That vile little house elf was about to pop them into the boiler." Lupin looked up to see Tonks holding her bunny slippers firmly to her chest. As soon as his eyes touched hers, she looked away. "Really, I thought Hermione was going to do something useful with that little beast!"  
  
"Hmmm..." Leia turned her head to the side and addressed Remus, who was again carefully studying the paper. "I don't suppose they have a house elf kennel or anything along that nature?"  
  
"I'm really not sure," he answered, tugging at his collar. Was it hot in here or was he just feeling the pressure of being trapped between two attractive women, both of whom were interested in his attention. It was an especially odd situation for Remus Lupin, a plesant and gentle man.  
  
"Well I'm off," Tonks offered as she picked up her coffee mug.  
  
"I didn't realize that you were here." Then, inquisitively lifting her dark brows, she asked with suspicion, "Did you spend the night here last night, Nymphadora?"  
  
Then ever so slightly she looked at Remus, sending him a subtle and apprehensive glance.  
  
"No!" Remus and Tonks answered mutually as Tonks again began to pinkin.  
  
"Well gotta disapparte, see you Thursday Lupin," then with a pop, she had vanished.  
  
Leaving behind a confused cousin and an even more confused werewolf. 


	4. Lust

" Notes: All characters are property of J.K.Rowlings, this writing is for my own enjoyment, and hopefully yours. *Warning: This chapter contains sexual content between two consenting adults. If this bothers you, please don't read on.  
  
Chapter 4: Lust  
  
"The art of life lies in taking pleasures as they pass, and the keenest pleasures are not intellectual, nor are they always moral." ~Aristippus  
  
It had been a very long time since Remus Lupin had had personal relations with the opposite sex. Not because he wasn't interested in women, but rather because the women often became uninterested when he revealed his nocturnal secret. After a while, he became accustomed to the monotony of a bachelor's life. As a single man, he was able to do what he wanted, when he wanted. Everything in his life was neat and orderly; perhaps not very exciting, but routine. He found that most people underestimated the pleasure of a routine.  
  
Of course, that is what his life had been like before teaching at Hogwarts and before he'd sheltered friend and fugitive, Sirius Black, from the law. Before Dumbledore had asked him to teach at his old alma mater, he'd been working on translating a very important Sanskrit text which focused on the ancient secrets of the Indian Dark Arts. His mother and father had been living in India since his own graduation from Hogwarts and this massive undertaking had become a sort of a family project.  
  
However, post teaching, post Sirius Black, and post Voldemort's return, he was getting little work done on the translation. His routine had now been out of whack for three years and oddly enough, this no- routine lifestyle was beginning to feel normal. Indeed, it was almost pleasurable; meeting new people, going new places and experiencing new feelings and sensations. Sirius, although his life had been cut short, had taught Remus something very, very important. He had shown him that life must be seized with passion and purpose. Both of which, Black had done very well.  
  
And yet, as Black had finished his life, Lupin was only just beginning to live his. The first step had been allowing himself to feel again, and allowing himself to dream of possibilities that he had once thought hopeless. In his most secret desires, so secret that he could barely share them with himself, he wanted one thing more than all others, and that was his own family.  
  
Of course, he didn't know this until a year ago when he and Sirius had stayed up very late with a bottle of Black's best single malt scotch and two glasses.  
  
*flashback*  
  
Sirius lounged casually in the worn tobacco-leather chair. He ran a finger around the rim of his fine crystal tumbler as he pondered his wolfish friend.  
  
"Stop looking at me like that," Remus spoke up as he topped his empty glass with another shot from the black label. His appearance was shabby, but neat; an ode to his poverty and to his pride.  
  
Sirius grinned broadly, tilting back his head in his usual, arrogant fashion, "It's a shame you didn't have children, Lupin."  
  
Remus lifted his eyebrows, "Where the hell did that come from?"  
  
Black laughed, "From the Hogwart's brood." Then reaching for the bottle, he too refilled his glass, "Apparently, you were quite the star professor last year. They're still clamoring about your teaching skills."  
  
"Hmmppff," Remus replied as he crossed his legs, and turned his gaze back to the crackling fire. "I'm surprised Harry told you that, seeing that I almost ate him."  
  
"Well, children are the first to forgive mistakes."  
  
"But women aren't." Lupin's pale eyes turned cold with distain.  
  
"I never thought of you as a confirmed bachelor." Sirius lifted a box of cigarettes and packed them against the palm of his boney hands, "In fact, James and I swore you'd be the one to have a dozen kids and a plump little wife stuffing you with cakes and sweetmeats."  
  
"Am I that mundane, Sirius?" Remus asked idly swishing his whiskey in his glass.  
  
"Who says that family life is mundane?" Then smirking, "Mine certainly wasn't."  
  
Then lighting two fags, he handed one to Remus, "I'm just saying Lupin, you'd be a great father. I think it would suite you; make you happy."  
  
Remus tilted his head, and studied his dark friend, "And what about you Sirius? Not the fathering type?"  
  
He blew a smoke ring, "I have Harry."  
  
"He's not your natural son."  
  
"True enough and I suppose now, I never will." Taking a sip of his whiskey, he turned his eyes to the amber liquid, "I was in that prison a long time Lupin. It does things to man; changes him."  
  
Remus tucked his fag between his lips, and did what he did best; listened, "Mentally, perhaps."  
  
"Yes, mentally," Sisius voice trailed away, "and physically." There was a long moment of silence as Black teetered on the edge of his dark secret. "I was in a cage for twelve years unable to think a single thought besides what a miserable friend I had been and the possibility of revenge."  
  
Hand trembling, he unsteadily poured another shot of the smooth whiskey into his tumbler. "You see, I wasn't able to think about women or sex." He laughed slightly, "Not even one f*cking fantasy about getting myself yanked off. After a while, perhaps a year or two, it was like my mind, my body had forgotten about those things."  
  
He took a deep drag off his fag, before continuing, "And now that my mind can remember, my body can't." Turning his dark blue eyes on Lupin, he looked on him with painful beauty and remorse.  
  
Remus was shocked at his friend's stark confession. He hadn't said the words, but he had said enough for Lupin to surmise that his friend was impotent; incapable of sexual arousal. In true Lupin style, he didn't let his own emotions show. Without flinching a muscle, he inquired, "Are you sure it's permanent?"  
  
Sirius took another drag, "It's been over a year." His eyes now glittering, "And trust me, I've tried."  
  
Remus was out of his comfort zone. Sirius and James had always talked about these things before. They were the ones with the girl friends and one night stands. He'd always been the responsible, quiet kid with the books. "It could change."  
  
"Perhaps." They again sat in silence only made comfortable by the amount of whiskey they had consumed.  
  
"Remus, if something happens to me. If they take me back or kill me..."  
  
Lupin sat forward, his eyes widening, "Don't say that!"  
  
"Damn it! I'm just saying what might come true." His deep blue eyes flashed, "Get married Remus and name your son after me."  
  
Remus shook his head, "I'm not listening to this nonsense. You'll have your own sons."  
  
"But if I don't," Sirius had now taken Remus's arm in vise like grip. "But if I don't," he added again quietly, "Promise me you'll name your son Black."  
  
He wasn't joking. Remus uneasily put his hand on top of Black's, studying the tragic lines etched into his face. "I will name him Sirius and you shall be there to christen him yourself."  
  
Sirius beamed widely, tears nearly welling in his eyes. "Thank you Remus, thank you."  
  
*****  
  
Today, as he scrubbed the bathroom tiles of the Black homestead with Madame Grubbs Grout Be-Gone, he allowed his mind to wander to his secret dream; a dream that Black had awakened in him. He though of his future wife and son named for his departed friend and how they would fill his own house someday; making it a home.  
  
"Well, Remus Lupin, you do take your work seriously."  
  
He turned from his position on the floor to look upon a muggle dressed Leia. Even though they had planned to do some dirty-work, she still looked impeccable with a fitted peacock- blue blouse, and black pants. Even her long black mane was neatly tied back into a sleek pony tail.  
  
Sitting up to a kneel, he smiled as he wiped his brow, "I'm just trying to give my best to cause, even if it is the bathroom tiles."  
  
Leia laughed loudly and offered him a manicured hand, "It's time to take a break. I've fixed us some dinner for us."  
  
They were sharing many anecdotes and laughs as they ate a warm dinner of poached salmon and potatoes. Each time Remus keep Leia's company, he felt more and more at ease with the mysterious daughter of Bellatrix LeStrange. Her manner was quiet, but her wit and laughter reminded him fondly of Sirius, and of his promise. Every moment they spent together pushed Tonk's awkward kiss further and further to the back of his mind.  
  
"Give me a hand with the dishes?" Her blue eyes twinkled beneath thick black lashes.  
  
"Of course," he stood and began adding plates to the running dishwater.  
  
Just before she plunged her hands into the milky, foaming water, he caught them between his, "Have you forgotten the spell for this?" Remus questioned innocently playing the teacher.  
  
Leia's lips curled into a smile, and her grip tightened around Remus's fingers. "I haven't forgotten."  
  
Remus froze, as she ever so minutely stroked his palms.  
  
Womanly eyes twinkling, "I just find that there are some things still worth doing by hand. Don't you think?"  
  
Some how, he managed to return her smile as he answered, "I always defer to the lady."  
  
Together they plunged their hands in the water and began a cozy system of washing and rinsing. Everything was going very smoothly until an unknown object sliced into Lupin's hand.  
  
He lifted it from the murky water to reveal a large cut on his finger, "Merlin's ghost! What have you got in there?"  
  
The blood pooled into a little droplet, but before he could reach for a towel, Leia grabbed his hand. Then placing his sliced finger between her lips, she sucked.  
  
Her tongue rolled against the wound, and her teeth nibbled against the tender flesh. Remus was both aghast and aroused. Moreover, he wasn't sure what was happening, other than his breathing was beginning to grow ragged.  
  
"Leia, I'm not sure..." But before he could finish, her lips were upon him with an aberrant heat. Her kiss was like liquid fire, pouring into his mouth. In turn, he drank at her lips, her tongue and her flesh like a man with boundless thirst.  
  
His hands were upon her rounded bottom, lifting her up, lifting her closer. Responding to his lust, she twined her legs around him so that her hips cradled his hard heat. As they kissed, licked and rocked against the kitchen counter, he felt himself losing control, losing awareness of himself. All his focus, like an animal, zoomed in on one thing, and that one thing was sex. It was no longer a rational thought, but a primal need.  
  
"Oh gods!" Remus softly cried out, as he felt her warm hands surpassing his waistband and pulling against his hardened flesh. It had been such a long time.  
  
Their kisses were an erotic blend of tongue and teeth, as Leia's hand continued to slick his lust.  
  
Running, her hand up the back of Remus's neck, she entwined her fingers into Remus's graying hair. Her voice was low and hot, "Bite me."  
  
"What?" Remus asked between scattered breaths.  
  
Leia jerked his head upward and brushed her hand against her own pale neck. "Bite me," she insisted again.  
  
"I can't," he whispered in her ear. He wouldn't allow himself to tempt the demon that lurked inside him, no matter how much he wanted this woman.  
  
Her laughed mocked his desire, "You won't hurt me." Then running her tongue up the side of his pulsing throat, she whispered, "I want you to taste my blood."  
  
That was it. He pushed her violently away, stumbling backwards. Leia too, nearly fell to the floor.  
  
Her lips were red and swollen, and her sapphire eyes were as wild as an animal stalking its prey. "Running away?"  
  
"I don't understand this," he answered, wiping his lips on the back of his hand and trying to steady his breath.  
  
Leia smoothed down her hair before casually leaning against the counter top, "When you're ready Remus, let me know." Then reaching into the disk water, she pulled out a rusty butcher knife.  
  
Although it was painful to walk, Lupin abruptly left the room. As he quickly moved through the hallway and mounted the stairs, he noticed that something different. Leaning over the banister, he realized that an additional plaque adorned the wall of retired house elves. Kretcher's head, which appeared to be freshly severed, gazed solemnly down the long corridor.  
  
Remus shuttered as he remembered the butcher's knife in the sink. Dear Merlin! What had he gotten himself into!  
  
***** 


	5. First Moves

All characters are property of J.K.Rowlings, this writing is for my own enjoyment.  
  
Chapter 5: First Move  
  
"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves." ~Shakespeare  
  
*****  
  
"Hello Remus, come on in." A middle aged woman with very pink lipstick and twinkling dark eyes stepped back to opened the door to her home.  
  
"Good evening Andromeda." Remus nodded and stepped into the entryway of the townhouse where unusual smells were wafting from the kitchen. This wasn't a good sign.   
  
"Ummm... Is Nyphadora cooking again tonight?"  
  
Mrs. Tonks laughed lightly, laying a hand on Remus's forearm, "Yes, I'm afraid she insisted and unfortunately Ted and I have other obligations this evening, so I'm afraid you're on your own."  
  
"Oh dear," Remus sighed as the pair made their way through the cozy town home and into the kitchen.  
  
Every Thursday for the past twenty something years the Tonks' had had family night and for the past two years, they had included Remus Lupin. Occasionally, Sirius had joined them for dinner, games and or a muggle movie, but he wasn't much for socializing regularly even with his own family.  
  
On the other hand, Andromeda had taken Remus under her wing like an orphaned chickadee, often questioning him on how his parents could have moved to India and left him all alone. Remus didn't have the heart to tell her he was an adult and certainly capable of living away from his parents. Anyway, he liked the Tonks' and more recently, he was being to realize that he liked one of the Tonks' very, very much.  
  
"Hey Remus," Nyphadora beamed with a sunny smile and a waved her oven mitted hand. "I've cooked us a great meal. Mum and dad won't be around to eat, so you'll be able to have two course if you want."  
  
"Wonderful," Remus used the best fake-happy voice that he could muster. Then turning back to Andromeda who was gathering up her purse, he added, "I hope nothing urgent is taking you away tonight."  
  
"Oh Remus, you're so sweet to inquire, but no. Ted's boss is having a dinner party this evening for one of his clients. I hate missing family night, but you do what you have to, right?"  
  
Remus nodded as Mrs. Tonks pinched his check and smirked, "Enjoy dinner. And Nymphadora," now turning back to her daughter who was checking the oven, "if Remus has too much to drink, make- up the guest room and have him stay the night. I won't have anyone disapperate from this house and reappear with their nose in the arse, or worse!"  
  
Remus chuckled, "I tend to like my aperture where they are."  
  
"Good boy." She added, and then kissing her daughter on the cheek, "Your father should have pulled up the car by now, you two have fun!" And with a click of the front door, she left.  
  
There was an awkward moment of silence as they both realized they were alone again since the morning they had kissed. Nyphadora was impeccably muggled dressed, with bright blue hair knotted in two buns, a sparkly union jack t-shirt and hip- hugger jeans that nicely showed off her curves.  
  
Blushing slightly, and removing his gaze from her rounded lower region, he spoke up, "So, what are you cooking for us tonight?"  
  
"Liver parmesan."  
  
Remus winced as she leaned into the oven and removed a steaming tray.  
  
"I thought, I like liver and I like eggplant parmesan, so voile!" Holding the pan proudly forward, she showed off her creation which looked more like toasted dog biscuits than a main course.  
  
"Smells delicious!" He added with hesitation.  
  
"I hope it is. I hope this isn't like last time." She said softly biting her lower lip.  
  
"That was just a fluke." His stomach turned as he remembered her sausage- sushi nuggets. Definitely not a good night.  
  
"So what goes with liver parmesan, red or white wine?"  
  
"Hmmm. I think white." Tonks answered as she shoved the toasted liver onto plates.  
  
They soon sat down at the table to two large glasses of white wine and crusty liver-breaded, cheese caked steak. Remus took the first bite and began to chew and chew and chew. Odd; he didn't remember liver being this chewy. After a bit his jaws got tired and he decided just to force it down with a big swig of wine. With a little pain, and a lot of drink, he forced the bite of meat down his throat. He was going to eat this meal for Tonks, if it was the last thing he did.  
  
Tonks, on the other hand, took one bite and spit it back into her napkin with a look of disgust. However, her twisted face soon turned into an anticipatory smile as she watched Remus struggle with a few bites of the liver.  
  
Finally, his pale eyes meet hers. On seeing her smile, his lips curled upward, and they both busted out laughing.  
  
"I know, it's awful!" Her dark eyes twinkled and her laughter was light and musical.  
  
Remus wiped his lips with his napkin , "It's pretty bad."  
  
It was decided they would finish the bottle of wine and order out for a pizza instead. In the meanwhile, much to the chagrin of Remus, Tonks had rented a muggle video called, "I Know What You Did Last Summer". After eating the pizza, and adding some beers to their dinner, they jointly pulled the couch directly in front of the television.  
  
As Tonks, worked with a muggle devise which she referred to as a DVD player, Remus unlaced his shoes and propped his socked feet upon an ottoman. His stomach was full and the drink had made him extremely relaxed. And being here with Nymphadora, felt like being home, but better. She never failed to make him laugh, which was an unusual talent for man or woman.  
  
"Where do you get this penchant for these crazy American horror films?" Remus asked as he read over the movie box cover.  
  
"Do I really have a penchant for them. I didn't notice." She replied wide eyed.  
  
"Last week's movie was about a Texas chainsaw killer and a few weeks ago you rented one about a guy with scissors for hands." Remus stated as he unceremoniously opened another beer for himself and Tonks.  
  
She plopped down on the sofa along side Remus and took the beer for his hand. "I just get a feeling for movies when I pick them out, I don't go into deep analysis of why I'm doing it. Anyway, "Edward Scissor Hands" not a horror film, but drama about a young man who was misunderstood by society."  
  
Remus huffed, "He had scissors for hands!"  
  
"Oh! Well said by a man who has fur and paws as a past time."  
  
Usually Remus would be offended by werewolf comments, but somehow when Tonks teased him, it seemed okay; even kind of funny. He laughed lightly, "But scissor hands are odd."  
  
"So is this," Nymphdora morphed her ears into grey furry looking puppy dog ears. Most men would probably be shocked, but Remus just rolled his eyes.  
  
"My ears look nothing like that."  
  
Tonks morphed back and reaching over to him, pulled on his left ear for further study, "Correct. Your ears have more hair."  
  
"Nymphador Tonks!" He grabbed her arm pulling her forward. "I should turn you over my knee and wallop you for that!"  
  
Tonks eyes widened. She never thought she'd here Remus say that to her, even in jest, but she went with it. "Alright," she answered nodding eagerly, cheeks blushing.  
  
Remus was dumbstruck for a moment as the image delightfully ran though his head. Then shoving her playfully back, he sighed, "There's no righting you is there?"  
  
"I'm afraid not," Tonks replied regretfully, as she turned on the movie.  
  
Even though the pair sat not more than two feet apart on the sofa, and both seemed deeply interested by the American teen thriller, neither actually were. In fact, both minds were secretly ensnarled in thoughts of last Sunday's kiss and the apparent silence that the other showed about the subject.  
  
It was strange to Remus how women came into his life rain; either a drought or in this case, a flood. After last night, he was certain that he wanted nothing more to do with Thaleia LeStrange. Even the issue of friendship was a wavering one due to the fact that he simply didn't trust her. Something had been wrong when he kissed her; something about the movement felt... unnatural. After he had returned to his room that evening, he'd taken an extremely long shower as if somehow he could cleanse the memory of their kiss from his body.  
  
Secondly, even though he and Tonks shared only the slightest kindling of feelings, he felt that he had somehow betrayed her by so lasciviously kissing her cousin. If she hadn't request the he bite her, who knows how far they would have gone. Also, he felt shameful for losing control with a woman whom he barely knew. That wasn't his style and the entire incident didn't sit well with him.  
  
Tonks was blissfully unaware of the strange occurrences between Remus and Leia at number 12 Grimmald Place. Although she had had a growing crush on Remus for the past several months, their short kiss had awakened new feelings and desires. It wasn't as if she hadn't felt this way before. In fact, the entire reason she had to move back home was because her ex -boy friend, Rolfe, the lead guitar for the Brothers Grimm punk band, and she had had a nasty breakup.  
  
After Rolfe, she'd sworn off men. That was until Remus Lupin, with his sweet smile, gentle words and crystal eyes began to steal her heart a piece at a time. Tonks smiled, and without thought she reached across the sofa and took Lupin's hand in her own.  
  
Remus decide it was time to take action. Mustering his courage, he shifted closer to the woman on the couch and looped an arm around her shoulders, drawing her comfortably against his chest. And without words, she snuggled up her body next to his, laying her head on his shoulder.  
  
A strange emotion over took him body, mind, and soul. It was purer than greasy lust he had experience with Leia yet, more powerful than the fraternal bond he had held with Sirius. Sunbeams danced in his chest, melting away the hardened shield around his heart, filling him with the tendrils of a new, inexperienced emotion. He blinked with realization, as he kissed the top of Nymphadora's silky blue hair, he was falling in love!   
  
And he like it!  
  
***** 


	6. Joy

All characters are property of J.K.Rowlings, this writing is for my own enjoyment.  
  
Chapter 6: Joy  
  
"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?"  
~ Kahlil Gibran  
  
*****  
  
The Tonks' returned too soon for both Nymphadora and Remus. They had held each other for nearly two hours, but two days would not have been long enough to bask in the joy they were experiencing in this new embrace.  
  
Remus stayed on for another hour to share a pot of coffee with Andromeda and Ted, both of whom were interested in Andromeda's niece, Leia. Finally, they gave their goodnights and Remus too, admitted that he needed to be getting back.  
  
Nymphadora casually walked Remus to the front door. There was an awkward silence as Remus stopped in the doorway, not knowing whether to merely say goodnight or to express himself with a more passionate physical goodbye.  
  
"Thanks for trying to eat dinner," Nymphadora gave a quirky lop sided smile.  
  
"Yes, well, perhaps we should stick to ordering out from now on." Remus answered, still not moving.  
  
"Agreed." Her pink lips perked upward, dark eyes twinkled as she slowly and seriously bid softy, "Goodnight, then."  
  
Remus stepped closer, narrowing the space between them to just a few inches. His pale blue eyes combing her soul, "Can I kiss you?" His brows narrowed, voice breathy.  
  
His question was so sweet and so gentle, Tonks wanted to cry. No one had ever asked her if she wanted to be kissed. The men in her past had taken what they wanted and left. Remus was giving her something very special; a choice. She smiled, her heart on her sleeve, "Yes."  
  
Lifting his hand to her jaw, he slowly tilted her head back. Her eyes instinctively fluttered close as his lips brushed against hers with a tender caress. Though the act lasted only seconds, the impression of his lips burned into hers with searing pain and utter joy.  
  
As he pulled back, she stopped him, hand on his chest. What could she say to express what she was feeling? What could she say to the man that was also a wolf? This strong, restrained man that stood before her with graying hair, troubled blue eyes, and shabby robes; dear gods, he was beautiful! For the first time in her life, she saw past the flesh to the enduring spirit; and in its presence, she felt grateful. Grateful for his friendship and this budding romance.  
  
"Thank you, Remus." She said, running her hand over his heart. Feeling it's steady thud beneath her palm.  
  
He looked a bit confused. "I feel like I'm the one who should be saying those words," he answered as he stroked a lock of blue hair. Look into her eyes, his brow tensed with thought. "Have you ever looked at something without really seeing it?"  
  
"I guess."  
  
His hand moved from her hair to her cheek. "How did I know you, look at you for over a year, but not see you until now?"  
  
Tonks relaxed. Then, smiling cautiously, she replied, "Because you weren't ready to see until now."  
  
She made everything so simple. His pale eyes looked into hers with a tender sadness as he grasped her hands firmly, his voice innocent, his pain naked, "But why now? Why after Sirius?"  
  
Tonks looked away for a moment as she remembered the close bond of friendship the threesome had shared. Then, with bitter happiness, she spoke from her heart, as was her fashion. "We both loved Sirius and he needed it badly. But caring for each other now doesn't mean we loved Sirius any less."  
  
Then pulling her hands out of his, she took his body in her arms and hugged him. Instinctively, he clung to her. "This is okay. It hurts without Sirius, but its okay for us to go on caring for one another without him. It's just a new direction, something deeper than friendship."  
  
Gods! She a mind reader, Remus sighed and squeezed her tighter. They had grown close the year before, and now as he was beginning to feel these new emotions for her, he felt somehow as if he was betraying the memory of Sirius. But she was right. He wasn't betraying Sirius, just letting something natural kneed his heart. And what could be more natural than a love growing between two friends.  
  
They stood in the doorway a long time, before pulling away.  
  
Remus ruffled his hand over her silly, blue buns. "I have to warn you, I'm a werewolf and we're not to be trusted." He wanted to recapture Tonks' smile and poking fun at himself, usually did the job.  
  
She warmly returned his playful attitude, "And I have to warn you that I'm metamophangus. We're sneaky and deceitful."  
  
He laughed, "Touché, Nymphador Tonks!" And stepped from the doorway to the sidewalk.  
  
"Goodnight Remus Lupin," Tonks smiled mischievously, eyes dancing with delight, and shut the door.  
  
***** He walked a few blocks just to relive the night's pleasure in his mind before apparating back to Grimmald Place. It was a quarter past midnight, and he was hoping that he would avoid Leia at such a late hour. Unfortunately, he was wrong.  
  
As soon as he entered through the front doors of the Black homestead, he saw a warm glow imitating from the parlor.  
  
"Remus? Is that you?" A feminine voice asked.  
  
He shut the door behind him and reluctantly entered the living room where Leia, wearing a thin, satin night gown was curled up in an overstuffed chair.  
  
"Yes. Need something?" He asked politely, wanting nothing more than to go to bed.  
  
Leia smiled pleasantly, her eyes the same dark blue as her luxurious gown, "No. Just concerned about you."  
  
"You needed have waited up for me." Remus answered, irritated at her concern.  
  
Her red lips broadened widely, "I'm afraid you flatter your self." Then revealing a small book in her lap, "I've been reading. This is the only room in the house with decent light and it's quite pleasant sitting here by the fire with a glass of wine." Then pausing, and shutting her book, "Care to help me finish the bottle?"  
  
Lupin was in no mood for her games, yet on the other hand, she was his hostess regardless of her violent tendencies with house elves and lovers.  
  
"Alright," he answered wearily, taking a seat on the worn leather couch.  
  
Leia casually poured him a glass of the cabernet. "You'd be amazed at the wine cellar. Sirius's dad has quite the collection down there."  
  
Remus sipped the wine. It was exceptionally good. Then, realization struck him. He hadn't heard Mrs. Black's portrait screaming at him when he entered the house. That's odd. Suddenly, a glint of silver caught his eye. On the side table, between the bottle of wine and a small, worn book was a large cutting board knife.  
  
Eyeing it suspiciously, he raised his eyes to Leia, who was gazing at the fire as she sipped from her glass. "I didn't hear Mrs. Black's portrait when I entered. Were you finally able to remove it from the wall this evening?"  
  
Her sapphire eyes turned on him mockingly. "Not exactly. Most of it is gone, but the frame is still there."  
  
Remus stared at her, willing her to confess. "I'm afraid I don't understand."  
  
"Mrs. Black's portrait and I had a disagreement about me drinking Mr. Black's wine. And well," Reaching over to the end table and picking up the knife, "I won."  
  
"Hmmm..." Remus answered casually, reclining into the sofa and crossing his legs. Yet internally, he was beginning to have some serious questions about this woman's eagerness for violence. "Don't you think that was a bit drastic?"  
  
"No." She answered frankly. "She was a bloody old bitch and so was her portrait."  
  
"And Kretcher?"  
  
Again, Leia's smile widened like a Cheshire cat and batting her eyelashes, she replied, "I helped Kretcher fulfill a life long dream.."  
  
Remus, smirked and finished off his glass. "You are certainly something, Leia."  
  
"You thought so last night." Her eyes gleamed with mischief.  
  
He knew this was coming. "I'm afraid that was a mistake."  
  
"A mistake? Really? Because from where I was, pressed between the counter and your legs, you seemed to be enjoying it."  
  
Lupin's heart raced. This conversation was making him uncomfortable, but he was determined not to show it. "Just because a man's body reveals lust, doesn't mean that his heart or his mind condones it."  
  
Leia raised a dark brow, "I wasn't aware that I was asking for the other two."  
  
"It's not in my nature to separate the desires of my body from the desires of my soul." Remus answered intently, his pale eyes cold upon her form.  
  
Leia sat down her wine glass and standing, walked over to the sofa. Her womanly form exquisitely revealed beneath a slight covering of twilight blue silk. Her hips and breasts, rubbing rhythmically against the thin veil of material as she stood directly in front of Remus. "I don't think you can resist me."  
  
It was true. As she drew closer, his breath hastened, his heart pulsed faster and his body warmed at her closeness. He felt lustful, but also angry. He didn't like losing control like this. The time for games was over. "Have you charmed me or was there a potion in my drink?"  
  
"Neither," she smirked, "But you feel it, don't you?" Leia knelt down before him, close, but not touching. "Tell me Remus, what do want me to do? F*ck you here, or perhaps you'd like me to put on some of Sirius's old clothes and you could take me that way."  
  
He snapped. His hand flying from his lap, he backhanded her with force. She instantly turned her face, holding a hand to her bloodied lip.  
  
"Oh dear gods!" He murmured, taken aback at his own actions, he scuttled away from her, but as he tried to stand from the sofa, she grabbed at his trousers, laughing.  
  
The same rich, arrogant laughter he'd heard so many times before. "You feel it! The power, the lust, the rage!" Her eyes were black, her laughter mad.  
  
This time he stood, pushing her away, she fell back against the floor. Whipping out his wand, he held it to her throat. "What the hell are you?" His body was as tense as a high wire. "And what are you doing to me?"  
  
The laughter stopped and she looked deep into his eyes. For her too, the games were over. "Allow me to stand, and I will show you."  
  
His lips pressed into a thin line as he judged trustworthiness. Finally, he indicated that she should stand.  
  
Slowly, she stood up from the floor and turning her back to him, she allowed her silken gown to puddle to the floor.  
  
He took a short gasp as he looked upon her naked skin. The soft cameo of her complexion glowed golden from the flames. Shoulder muscles were strong and defined, back straight and buttocks perfectly rounded and firm. Then he noticed her upper thigh and everything became perfectly clear.  
  
The red bite marks and trails of ripping claw scars. It was the mark of a werewolf. Realization shook him. It took him a few seconds to realize that he was still staring at her naked body.  
  
"Put your clothes back on." He commanded, and turned away, cheeks burning.  
  
His back still towards her, "Why didn't you tell me, Leia."  
  
"Because I knew you would resist."  
  
Then turning on his heal, his anger ready. "Resist you because of the wolf or resist you because of your actions?"  
  
"You know what's wrong with you Remus, you're a werewolf, but you're afraid to admit it to your self. You go around so noble and contrite; always in control, always the teacher the listener, the man that does the right thing." Her face reddened, "Your so damn conscious about not being the wolf, you can't be man!"  
  
"That is not true!" He said defiantly, but inwardly, he knew at some point, she was right. However, he was old enough to know screwing Theleia LeStrange wasn't going to make him any more human.  
  
"When was the last time you had rough sex just because it felt good, or hit someone because you were angry?"  
  
He didn't answer.  
  
"We both feel the wolf, Remus. The difference is, I choose to embrace the desires and you choose to deny they exist." She moved closer, only inches away.  
  
His voice low, "I do not deny they exist." His azure eyes flashed with passion. "But I am a man, not a wolf, and I have a conscious."  
  
Leia slid a hand over his shoulder, "We would be so great together. Don't deny that."  
  
He thought it over. Perhaps he should sleep with her, a one night stand with no strings; one night of rough, unbridled, shameless sex. Blood rushed his head, he again reddened. Shaking his head, "I can't."  
  
It was her scent that was seducing him. He knew instantly that he had to get away. He stepped back from her touch, "I can't deny my immortal soul. And regardless of our similar circumstances, sex for the sake of momentary gratification is not acceptable to me."  
  
Theleia gathered up a blanket off chair, covering her bare shoulders. "I knew you were repressed Remus, but such a protestant?"  
  
"We may both be werewolves Leia, but we've chosen very different paths." Then walking to the door of the parlor, he turned the knob, his blue eyes glancing briefly against hers, "I'm sorry."  
  
And as he thought of her, shivering under a thin blanket, alone in the darkness of the parlor, mother insane, father imprisoned, lover dead; he truly did feel sorry for her. For he knew there could be no true happiness in her future, only fleeting moments of illusions.  
  
***** What do you think? Please R&R. Lyra 


	7. Examination

All characters are property of J.K.Rowlings, this writing is for my own enjoyment.  
  
Chapter 7: Examination  
  
"A life which is unexamined is not worth living." ~Plato  
  
*****  
  
After the scene at Number 12 Grimmald Place, Remus hurriedly packed his things and left. He couldn't stand the thought of sleeping in the same house as that lecherous succubus for another night.  
  
Even after he was safe beneath the blankets of his own bed in the cozy Lupin cottage just outside of Kent, his mind was still uneasy. Images of wolves, and ripping flesh coupled with emotions of faceless lust twisted in his dreams.  
  
Awaking earlier than usual and feeling completely unrested and out of sorts, Remus meandered to his study and took out the uncompleted Sanskrit texts. The smell of old parchment and the texture of soft velum beneath his fingertips were comforting. Hours pasted as he contently transcribed the ancient book of knowledge into modern English vernacular.  
  
As morning dawned in the English countryside, sunlight streamed in through windows, illuminating the dusty bookshelves and mahogany woodwork. Dark oil paintings dozed in the gentle spring light as a slight breeze carried the fragrance of sweet roses and fresh mint in from the garden.  
  
The Lupin house, like Remus, was a paradox. By wizarding standards, the house wasn't that old, being built in the mid-nineteenth century, but the faded wallpaper, worn oriental rugs and the soft leather furnishings made it seem almost timeless. Piles of academic books perched on tedious shelves, a small fire crackled in the front parlor and somewhere a tea kettle whistled lightly on a stove.  
  
McGonagall sighed as she fondly remembered John and Matilda Lupin. He, with his silver spectacles and patchy white hair, her arranging roses as young Remus quietly studied his books at her side. Once this had been such an inviting home, and now after so many years, and so many deaths, even this house seemed lonely.  
  
"Well, Minerva. This is a surprise!" Remus spoke from the top of the stairwell.  
  
McGonagall jumped, "Dear me, Remus!" Then catching her breath, she laughed slightly, "I meant to knock, but I'm afraid old memories got the better of me, and I let myself in."  
  
By this time, Remus had descended the stairs and was ushering his old teacher and present comrade into the front parlor, "You know you're always welcome here Minerva. Mum and dad would have wanted it that way," he smiled pleasantly, his pale eyes tender, "as do I."  
  
McGonagall warmed as she thought on her former classmate and close friend, Matilda O'Neill. She had been a bridesmaid at her marriage to John Lupin and had visited Remus when he was just weeks old in his mother arms. Shooing off old memories, she turned her mind to the business at hand. "Thank you Remus. Unfortunately, I've come on urgent business for the Order."  
  
Revealing a small scroll from her robes, she handed it to Lupin. His brows tensed, but he said nothing. Even as he read the unrolled parchment, his face showed no emotion. After a few minutes of careful consideration, he looked up, pale eyes haunted, "Tell the headmaster, I'll take care of it."  
  
*****  
  
"Remus! Remus!!!" Tonks clonked through the hallway and into the kitchen, "There you are!" She sighed exhausted, and slid into a lattice back chair. "I've been looking everywhere for you!"  
  
He smiled lightly as he sipped a steaming cup of tea, "And the last spot you thought to look for me was in my very own kitchen."  
  
Nymphadora rolled her eyes. "I swear Remus Lupin, you are impossible! I though you'd still be at Grimmald Place, but that's beside the point." Then placing a thick scroll on the table, she grinned, "A little present from Moody."  
  
"Let me guess," he cocked his head to one side and sardonically replied, "he wants it transcribed by the meeting tomorrow."  
  
Her dark eyes twinkled, "Did you ever consider a career in divination?"  
  
For the first time that afternoon, Remus laughed and it felt incredibly good. "Would you like me to read your tea leaves?"  
  
"Sure." Tonks, grabbed a cup from the sideboard, "What is in my future, oh, wise wizard?"  
  
Playing along with her game, Remus poured a cup of tea, and pondered the leaves intently as Nymphadora giggled, "Well, what do you see?"  
  
Acting quite serious, Lupin hushed her, "Silence, young one. You must have patience with the spirit world."  
  
Tonks raised a curious brow, and tried to suppress her laughter.  
  
Finally, raising his pale eyes, he answered, "Tonight you will have dinner with a very handsome man."  
  
"Oh, really?" Tonks questioned, still smiling, "Tell me more."  
  
"It appears that your immediate future holds." He studied the leaves again very intently as Tonks held her breath, "Spaghetti with meat balls".  
  
"Oh Remus! You're ridiculous!" Nymphadora punched him in the arm as he grinned sheepishly. "Yes, I'll have dinner with you."  
  
Then hopping off the chair, "I've got to go back to work, but around seven?"  
  
Remus nodded, still smiling, "Around seven."  
  
Then swiftly kissing his cheek, Tonks whispered, "Good day, very handsome man." Then pulling back, she winked and apparated from the room.  
  
On her disapparation, Remus pulled Dumbledore's the letter from pocket.  
  
"Damn it!" He cursed the silence. How was it when one thing was going so right in his life, every thing else had to go wrong.  
  
Not that he minded doing special projects for the headmaster, at least it made him useful, but this last request was certainly asking a lot.  
  
He sat down with his now lukewarm cup of tea, and re-read parchment:  
  
"Remus,  
  
It has come to my attention that there are more players in this war than we first suspected. A secret society of werewolves, calling themselves 'Hetairia Lupinus' has formed somewhere on England's shores. They spoil themselves in natural werewolf behaviors; indulging in every dark craving that lurks within the demon.  
  
My sources believe that their leader, 'la Agrippina' or mother wolf, has been recently chased from Rome and is looking to form allegiances with Voldemort. However, if la Agrippina is killed, her followers will be disbanded; perhaps killing one another without leadership.  
  
Find her, Remus, and if you can not convert her to a more peaceful life, you have my blessing to use the unforgivable curses.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Albus"  
  
He had used the curses before; most recently in the battle to save Harry, but always in defense. He had never gone looking for man or woman with the express purpose of torturing and killing them, yet, this was obviously what Dumbledore was asking him to do.  
  
Remus bit his bottom lip and examined his possibilities. With one hand, he was beginning a new relationship, finally releasing himself to love and with the other hand, he causing death, ending a life. Was it right?  
  
He sighed and lifted the delicate tea cup to his lips. "Not that that would worry Tonks, she probably killed at least one death eater a month", he whispered to the empty kitchen.  
  
'Life is so ironic that we can create and destroy both at once and reason their sardonic duality without pause or care.' He thought to himself  
  
Relaxing back in kitchen chair hands behind his neck, Sirius's words haunting him, "Things never are black and white are they old man; only shades of gray."  
  
How right you were, Padfoot.  
  
***** 


	8. Holding On

All characters are property of J.K.Rowlings, this writing is for my own enjoyment.  
  
Chapter 8: Holding on  
  
"When the day is long and the night is yours alone,  
  
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on  
  
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes." ~ R.E.M.  
  
*****  
  
He hadn't meant to come out into the garden at night, but when his hand skimmed over a box of cigarettes in the silver drawer, all his thoughts when to Sirius. Wiping his hands on a dish towel and turning off the stove of boiling pots and the oven, smelling of sweetmeats, Remus took up the red and brown packet along with a small box of muggle matches and when out into the fresh spring night.  
  
Finding the stone bench where he and Sirius had recently spent many nights talking about the future and about the past, Remus sat and instinctively packed the box against his palm; a habit which had been his friend's. Then opening the paper lid, the sweet -sour smell of clove and tobacco filled his nostrils; nostalgia clouded his thoughts.  
  
Lupin's garden had always been a place where they could sit and smoke for hours. Sometimes discussing their days at Hogwart's and sometimes just sitting in silence, enjoying the company of a friend. Remus had never been a smoker. In fact, he thought it a rather dirty muggle habit, but at the end of the day, it was the one thing they could do together in peace, silently trying to mend the torn seams of two ripped lives.  
  
As Remus cracked a match into a yellow flame and lit the fag tucked between his lips, he remembered saying to Sirius once, "Sometimes old friends need no words."  
  
He wasn't sure how long he had sat beneath the star-dazzled sky, a deep ache growing in his chest, and that is when he noticed her; a lone feminine silhouette against the yellow light of an open door.  
  
Tonks and Remus looked at one another a full moment, before he turned away. He could hear her feet on the gravel path, feel her warmth as she sat down besides him.  
  
Laying her hand on the box, "Can I have one?"  
  
Remus felt tension in his chest, this had been a time for brothers, and now she was here amidst his sorrow. And yet, as he looked upon her, exhaling the fags noxious fumes from his lips, he relaxed. Oddly, her presence calmed him.  
  
"Of course," Remus answered, studying her porcelain complexion and dark, thickly lashed eyes. 'She is so beautiful.'  
  
Tonks took out a cigarette, and Remus, with perfect timing leaned over and cracked a muggle match. "Let me," he offered, lighting the rolled tobacco as Nymphadora's puckered red lips sucked on the filter; dark eyes watching him intently.  
  
In silence, they sat outside for a long time watching the moon move across the night sky. When suddenly, Tonks felt Remus hand upon hers, grasping her fingers tightly, his eyes, still turned towards the dog star.  
  
'Everyone slips away from me,' Remus thought to himself, as he laced his hand with hers, 'But not you, I can't let you slip away. I won't let you be like the others.' His grip tightened, but it was too soon to tell her these things, to confess all the secret longings of his heart. For now, he would just have to try and hold on.  
  
Finally, his fag dwindled out, and he tossed the remains in a holly bush, turning to the woman at his side. It was the first time tonight that he realized she was wearing a simple black dress and that her wasn't an outlandish color; just plain brown.  
  
Reaching towards her face, he stroked a dark lock, tucking it behind her ear. "You're hair, it's different."  
  
Tonks smiled slightly, "It's my natural color." She paused and lowered her eyes with passive humility, "I thought you should see what you're really getting."  
  
Remus strained at her words, "What I'm really getting?"  
  
"Well, I am a metamorphangis. Oh and this," Tonks remembered and then, waving a hand across her face, a scattering of freckles promptly fell across her nose and cheeks. "So, you see, behind all the morphing, silly noses and pink hair. I'm just plain Tonks."  
  
Remus smiled broadly, fingering her smooth skin, his voice intense, "You have never been plain Tonks to me." Then taking out a handkerchief, he wiped the red rouge from her lips, his voice deep, "I wish you could see what I see; beautiful, strong passionate Nymphadora."  
  
Placing his hand firmly on her jaw, he lowered his face to hers and kissed her. Perhaps Thaleia's words moved him to take action or perhaps he was tired of being pleasant and polite. Whatever the reason, he found it entirely too difficult to hold back his true emotions when Nymphadora was in his arms. Thus, what had begun as a sweet meeting of lips, quickly turned into a needful touch between two mirroring souls.  
  
His lips swiftly moved from her mouth to her throat, skimming the thin skin of her collar bone, he could hear her moan with pleasure. Breathing hastened, and hands explored each new curve with desirous curiosity.  
  
As Remus dipped his head and kissed her full breasts, Tonks trembled. "Remus," her voice ragged, hands entangled in his light brown hair, "we're going to shame the flowers."  
  
Her flushed cheeks, swollen lips, dear gods, he hadn't meant to take advantage. "I'm sorry," he pulled away, old fears welling up within him. "I'm doing this wrong aren't I?" His pale eyes troubled, voice low, "I'm moving too fast?"  
  
Tonks broke into a wide smile, "Oh no! I mean, I'm a little surprised coming from you, but I quite liked how you were moving."  
  
"Just tell me what to do. I don't want to lose you."  
  
"I'm not going anywhere," her voice firm, grip tightening on his hand.  
  
Gazing upon her intently, he asked, "What do you want from me?"  
  
"Happiness. All I really want is to make you happy." Then relaxing her grip, she turned to face his him, dark eyes open to him. "If you want to make love tonight, then I will make love with you."  
  
Remus swore he could feel his heart flutter.  
  
"And if you just want to kiss, then my lips are yours alone." She brushed a hand against his stubbed jaw, "I have the strangest emotions when I am with you. You see- when you're happy, I'm happy and when you're sad, I'm sad. I've never felt so selfless as when I'm with you. I think it might be," she paused, "love."  
  
His head felt light when she said the last word.  
  
Tonks looked away, quietly laughing, "So I'm going to ask you again, what do you want?"  
  
His breathing hastened, then sighing, he released all the longings of his heart to her. "I want you. I want you in my arms, in my house, and in my bed. But even more importantly, I want you in my heart and me in yours. I don't want to share you. I want you to be mine alone." He smiled for the first time this night, stroking her dark tendrils, "Pink or purple, long, short, spotted or pale, I want you. I want your love."  
  
Tonks hugged him, "Oh Remus, you have that already! I've been falling in love with you for months, you just didn't notice."  
  
Passionately returning her embrace, he replied, "And I'm a stupid git for it; a naïve, self pitying fool. Can you forgive me for not loving you back long before now?"  
  
"There is nothing to forgive, because love can't be rushed. We love each other now, and I'm not willing to look back."  
  
He smiled again, as he scooped Tonks into his arms, "Neither am I."  
  
Then carrying her into the warmth of the kitchen, her arms wrapped tightly around him, Remus asked, "Are you hungry?"  
  
"Not a bit," a playful, saucy smile curled her lips.  
  
He then proceeded into the entryway. "Hmmm...Where should I deposit such a sweet package? Sofa or bedroom?"  
  
She held his eyes a full minute before answering softly, but firmly, "Bedroom."  
  
***** What will happen now? :) Please read and review~ Lyra 


	9. Sex

All characters are property of J.K.Rowlings, this writing is for my own enjoyment.  
  
Chapter 8: Sex  
  
"Sex is a flame which uncontrolled may scorch; properly guided, it will light the torch of eternity." --Joseph Fetterman  
  
*****  
  
A very nervous house elf wrung his hands as he cautiously approached his master's laboratory. "Excuse me sir, but you have a visitor."  
  
"Humbert! What did I tell you about coming down here!" Growled a dark man leaning over a swirling caldron; beads of sweat pooling on his pale forehead, causing his greasy black hair to stick to his pallid face. A strange green mist swirled beneath his long hooked nose; one wrong move could ruin this very delicate potion. He needed absolute concentration.  
  
The very distraught house elf shuffled his feet, "I know sir, I know, but there's a very pretty lady come to see you, she says it's urgent."  
  
'A pretty lady?' Severus looked up at the elf with curiosity.  
  
"A Ms. LaStrange."  
  
His hand automatically jerked causing him to spill the entire jar of newt brains into his invisibility potion.  
  
"Damn it, you impotent toad!" He cursed as he took up his wand vanished the now defunct brew. As his anger momentarily subsided, a new realization formed in his chemical riddled brain.  
  
'So, Thaleia LeStrange is on my door step,' Severus mused as he wiped back his greasy black hair from his moist forehead with a handkerchief. 'This should be very interesting.'  
  
Then, straightening cravat and dusting of his frock coat, and of course, giving Humbert a swift kick in the arse with the toe of his boot for interrupting his work, Severus Snape walked to the parlor of his home to meet his much unexpected guest.  
  
*****  
  
They arrived in the bedroom, where Remus tentatively released his hold on Tonks. Even as she regained her footing, her arms were still wound tightly around his neck, holding on, pulling him closer. Surrounded by her warm body and sweet scent, Lupin melted in her arms.  
  
This time it was Tonks that led Lupin's hands to her breasts; her dark eyes giving him permission as she began unzipping her dress.  
  
"Oh Nymphodora," he moaned as he kissed her ear lobe, his scarred hands skimming over her satin bra, delving in, and fingering her tender flesh.  
  
Her palms were as just as needy for the feel of his warm skin and she began to make fast work of his oxford buttons.  
  
It took a few moments before Remus realized that Tonks was undressing him. Catching her hands in his, he stammered, "Wait."  
  
"What?" She whispered, searching his pale eyes for a sign.  
  
Remus laughed lightly, "It's just that, I want you to know what you're getting."  
  
Together they sat down on the edge of his bed. "I'm considerably older than you and my body," his voice became faint, his eyes avoiding hers, "my skin in scarred."  
  
"The wolf?" She asked unshaken.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Slowly, her small hands; warm, soft fingers reached between his buttons and glided across his chest. Closing her eyes, and smiling lightly, "You feel nice."  
  
This time it was Remus's turn to tremble as Tonks, eyes closed, continue to unbutton him. Now, her palms pushed through silken chest hairs, over his broad shoulders, and across his warm abdomen.  
  
There were scars, tiny ones, and jagged ones that felt like lightening bolts, but nothing that was frightening. Even as her hand ran over the deep welts in his thick shoulder muscles, wounds that she could only assume were made by the wolf that bit him, she was not afraid.  
  
Then, opening her eyes, she looked upon his naked torso. A light dusting of grey and brown hairs covered his chest. He was thin, but muscular and although, his body had obviously received a multitude of lacerations from his encounters with the wolf, she thought him beautiful.  
  
Leaning forward, she kissed his warm skin. "Remus, there is nothing wrong with you." Her dark eyes now looking up into his, "You're perfect."  
  
A sigh of relief shook his body as she wrapped her arms around his smooth flesh and put her head to his chest; listening to the steady thump of his heart.  
  
"What did I ever do to deserve you?" He asked, kissing her dark crown.  
  
"I've wondered that same thing," she replied, tilting her head upward and renewing their passionate coupling.  
  
*****  
  
She was sex in stilettos. Severus felt instant arousal as he looked upon the black leather mini, clinging pink sweater and long smooth legs anchored with four inch heels.  
  
Calming his initial reaction, a sardonic smirk twisted his lips as he eyed the snow white cleavage pushing out of her cashmere sweater. A woman didn't dress like this unless she wanted something, Snape reminded himself, snapping back his self control.  
  
It had been a very long time since he had shared a woman's intimate company, but even cold hearted, greasy haired, hooked nosed, potions' masters desired the heat of feminine flesh upon occasion. With that in mind, he decided that he would play her little game, for now.  
  
"Ms. LeStrange, it is a pleasure," he addressed the woman in his entryway, taking up her hand and kissing well manicured fingers.  
  
"Severus," her red lips purred his name, "It's been ages."  
  
"It does seem as such. May I offer you a drink?" A dark eye brow raised, he tried his best to be charming. It was, of course, very difficult.  
  
She nodded yes and he showed her into the parlor where they shared a whiskey.  
  
"I'm curious what has brought you to my doorstep."  
  
"Does one need a reason to visit a..." She paused briefly, "a friend."  
  
Severus lounged idly in a leather chair. "We weren't exactly friends the last time we parted company."  
  
"That was near sixteen years ago," Leia answered, her lips curling into a knowing smile, "I hear you are a changed man."  
  
"Indeed," Severus reflected, not wanting to dwell upon his role in the Order.  
  
Leia fingered her empty glass, blue eyes distant, "But it's been my observation, Severus, that men rarely change; at least not those in service to the Dark Lord."  
  
Her words were an obvious jab.  
  
"And do women?" He asked idly, raising a dark brow.  
  
She smirked, her eyes dancing with mischievously. "Come now, Severus. Aren't we past the blame?"  
  
He didn't reply. Forgiveness wasn't one of strong suits. Then setting down an empty glass, he leaned back against his desk, "Why are you really here, Thaleia; to question my loyalties or to reminisce on the past?"  
  
"Severus," Leia tisked, "You were a very different player then. Let's just say you were expendable, but now..."  
  
His face contorted, arms crossed, "But now?! Now that I'm not a convenient scapegoat for your mother, you're anxious to be my 'friend'". The last word dripped with acidic mockery.  
  
Leia stood up and crossed the room to where he was now standing, her demeanor somewhat softer. "I guess you could call it an attempt to be 'friends'," she answered, voice husky as she adjusted his cravat.  
  
His breathing intensified at her touch. A woman's tender touch was so rare.  
  
Then, her blue eyes turning upwards, "You're a very powerful man Severus. All I want to do now is get to know this new you. " Then smiling, she ran a slim finger down his hooked nose and across his tight lips, "I could use a powerful friend."  
  
Raising her self up on her tiptoes, she sealed her statement with a licentious kiss.  
  
*****  
  
Remus and Tonks were taking things slowly, or at least trying to.  
  
Now both half undressed and lying on Remus's feather bed, a once playful mood now turned serious as Nymphadora finally beckoned, low and hot, "Make love to me."  
  
It was the one thing he wanted to hear the most, but a cobweb of doubts lingered. He pulled back from their rocking, searching her eyes for reassurance, "Are you sure this is what you want?" Her fingers ran through his dusty brown hair, "Yes. I want you," the last words whispered, "inside me."  
  
Without hesitation, he kissed her deeply; hands dipping lower, reading her body for love making. As their bodies joined, it was a strange twining of pleasure and pain, human need and spiritual union.  
  
Time was nonexistence as lovers slowly melded into one another and cradled in a cresendoing rhythm until mutual ecstasy shattered like a thousand shooting stars.  
  
*****  
  
Back in Snape's bedroom, Leia lit a cigarette and sucked deeply on the noxious fumes, lamenting on the speed of their hasty and awkward coupling.  
  
"I'd prefer that you not smoke in here," Severus stated firmly, tucking in his rumpled shirt.  
  
Leia smiled cajolingly, as she pushed the tiny butt into an empty whiskey glass, "Of course, pet."  
  
He nodded quietly, then looking at her with confusion, "I've got work to finish tonight."  
  
Leia produced her most innocent look, "Go ahead. I'll wait up for you."  
  
A passer by would have thought she'd sprouted a griffin from her head with the odd look he was giving her. He finally answered, "Alright then."  
  
Leia rolled her eyes as he shut the door; this man had no idea what to do with a woman. This little mission was going to more difficult than she suspected. Seducing Severus had been the easy part, keeping him in the state of constant devotion, now that was a dilemma.  
  
~*~*~*~ What do you think?? Please R&R! (Lyra 


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